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                                                                                                              I don't want to be your little girl
                                  Because I guess being your little girl is just not what I thought it would be
                                                                                                              I don't want to please you the way you want me to
Because it should please you enough that I give you my cookies and my most affectionate smile
                                                                                                              I don't care if you say I look cute in those colorful dresses I wear
                                        Because if you really thought they were cute you wouldn't rip them off
                                                                                                               I don't care if your friends would like to take a look at me, too
                                                  Because if it really would be just a look it wouldn't hurt so much
                                                                                                               I don't like the games you play every single time
                                                    Because the games I like to play involve no blood and screams
                                                                                                               I don't like all the lies you tell
                                          Because I can't be your little girl and a slutty whore at the same time



                       I hate the things you do to me
                       Because even if nine years have passed I can't use past tense
A text I had to write over the course of my therapy.
Thoughts about my time in elementary school.
It's not about my father.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconmynameiskassidi:
mynameiskassidi Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
would you tell me wat its about? i have a few problems that sound similar to this
Reply
:iconbeanyhatgirl:
BeanyHatGirl Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2011  Student General Artist
I agree with ~*I-Love-Hobos.

:'( I'm so sorry.
Reply
:iconchibiariane:
ChibiAriane Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2011
Thanks for your sympathy!
It's getting better. :)
Reply
:iconbeanyhatgirl:
BeanyHatGirl Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2011  Student General Artist
aw, im so glad to hear that. good luck. :)
Reply
:iconi-love-hobos:
I-Love-Hobos Featured By Owner May 13, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This makes me feel sick. I'm so sorry.
Reply
:iconchibiariane:
ChibiAriane Featured By Owner May 13, 2011
Thank you for your sympathy.
I feel a lot better at the moment. :)
Reply
:iconchildren7:
Children7 Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2011
I have to say this picture helped me a lot, I deal with all the shame and guilt feelings still, and I looked at it and thought "
It's just a sweet little girl"............relate to the compliments thing also, very hard to trust anyone..."What do they want????"

The way she is holding her head says it all, "I didn't WANT any of this, why is it happening?" and just a child so how could she understand????

Powerful work.....
Reply
:iconchibiariane:
ChibiAriane Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2011
Thank you very much, glad it helped you. It's really helpful to watch the whole situation as a third person. You'll soon realize that NOTHING was your fault. I always feel so bad for other people going through something like this and then I wonder why I blame myself.
Reply
:iconyume-kami-aika:
Yume-Kami-Aika Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2011
I honestly like how it's well written, and sorry if I come off as a prying douche by saying sorry about what you went through ;___;.
Reply
:iconchibiariane:
ChibiAriane Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2011
Thank you very much!
You don't come off as a douche, don't worry, but you don't have to feel sorry. :) It's alright, I'll be able to cope with it. I guess.
Reply
:iconfreespirit69:
FreeSpirit69 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow this is so amazing...in a terrible & painful way.
But its so beautiful none the less.
I love it.
Reply
:iconchibiariane:
ChibiAriane Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2011
Thank you very much.
And also thanks for faving!
Reply
:iconfreespirit69:
FreeSpirit69 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome
Reply
:iconolivia2919:
Olivia2919 Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
This is...beutifully painful..I like it alot. I hope the therapy helps you,love. :heart:
Reply
:iconchibiariane:
ChibiAriane Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2011
Thank you very much!
Yes, it does help! :)
Reply
:iconolivia2919:
Olivia2919 Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
That's wonderful :heart:
Reply
:iconkaelynna:
Kaelynna Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I'm sorry...I can relate. It is well written though.
Reply
:iconchibiariane:
ChibiAriane Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2011
Thank you.
It's so sad how many people can relate to something like this. It shouldn't be that way. Sorry for you, too. :(
Reply
:iconkaelynna:
Kaelynna Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks. :)
Reply
:iconirisxflyerxfreedom:
IrisxFlyerxFreedom Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
i know what you mean.. im sorry this ever hapened to you.. :hug:
Reply
:iconchibiariane:
ChibiAriane Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011
Thank you very much for commenting and faving!
If this happened to you, too, I also feel sorry for you. :(
Reply
:iconirisxflyerxfreedom:
IrisxFlyerxFreedom Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
sadly yes. and sadly it was my own dad...
Reply
:iconchibiariane:
ChibiAriane Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011
That's so cruel. I just can't believe how a father can do that to his own child. I feel so sorry for you.
Reply
:iconirisxflyerxfreedom:
IrisxFlyerxFreedom Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
i dont understand either..
Reply
:iconnuada-argatlam:
Nuada-Argatlam Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011  Student General Artist
This shouldn't happen, those monsters deserve to die, I would like a lot to rip the eyes off their faces.
There are things that shouldn't be, but they are... crap
Reply
:iconchibiariane:
ChibiAriane Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011
I agree with you. Glad that that's your opinion, too.
Reply
:iconwitchxerrin:
WitchXerrin Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011
I know exactly how you feel. Been there. No child should experience that horrible experience. Your poem is very well written and touches the heart. *huggs*
Reply
:iconchibiariane:
ChibiAriane Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011
Thank you very much, also for faving.
I'm sorry you had to go through this, too.
Reply
:iconcoleja:
ColeJA Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
it is well written and i know how you feel.. Not really so much for my self, but cause of a very close friend i used to know.. whom i very much miss her dearly...
Reply
:iconchibiariane:
ChibiAriane Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011
Thank you.
I feel very sorry for you. I hope your friend has found peace now... :(
Reply
:iconcoleja:
ColeJA Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
you welcome my friend.
And there no need to. Well she has found her peace in the lord if you want to say it that way.. she passed on a few years ago..
Reply
:iconchibiariane:
ChibiAriane Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011
Yeah, I thought so...
Was it her own decision if I may ask...? :(
Reply
:iconcoleja:
ColeJA Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
She got killed by a drunk driver who veered into her lane.. :(
Reply
:iconchibiariane:
ChibiAriane Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011
God, that's horrible... I'm so sorry. :(
Reply
:iconcoleja:
ColeJA Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
it ok, really..
Reply
:iconflipsi:
Flipsi Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011  Student Digital Artist
Ja wirklich ein sehr "schönes" Gedicht. Schreiben ist deine Stärke, mehr als das Zeichnen. Sollte sich Mumbo mal ein beispiel dran nehmen. hehe Wie ich fühle weißt du ja schon... ^^ Schön, dass dein Gedicht so viel Anklang findet.
Reply
:iconchibiariane:
ChibiAriane Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011
Ja, Schreiben kann ich wirklich besser als Zeichnen, wahrscheinlich, weil das nicht soviel Mühe erfordert... : D
Vielen Dank!
Reply
:iconneijisan:
NeijiSan Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011
Ich weiß gar nicht so recht was ich sagen soll. Es ist echt super geschrieben, das Gefühl kommt sehr gut rüber. Und es tut mir echt leid...
Reply
:iconchibiariane:
ChibiAriane Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011
Danke! :)
Es muss dir nicht Leid tun. Fange erst seit ein paar Monaten an, mich damit auseinanderzusetzen und es wird schon.
:hug:
Reply
:iconneijisan:
NeijiSan Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2011
Trotzdem... mich macht das betroffen. Mich macht sowas immer betroffen, aber wenns dann jemanden betrifft den ich kenne und lieb hab... hmh
Reply
:iconchibiariane:
ChibiAriane Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2011
Ja, verstehe ich schon, würde mir ja selber auch so gehen und andere tun mir ja auch Leid.
Ach, ich hab dich auch lieb. ^^
Reply
:iconneijisan:
NeijiSan Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2011
*knuff* solang es dir wieder besser geht damit
Reply
:iconmistress-jaeden:
Mistress-Jaeden Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011  Professional Artist
I know how you feel.
Glad it wasn't your father though...
Reply
:iconchibiariane:
ChibiAriane Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011
I'm sad that you can relate to it. :(
Yeah, I have a really great father. But you don't seem to have one... I'm sorry.
Reply
:iconmistress-jaeden:
Mistress-Jaeden Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2011  Professional Artist
I may be starting therapy soon and Im not thrilled about opening that box. Im curious about how you coped in your situation.. the whole 'letting it out' process.

Either way, Thanks for this. It helps.
Reply
:iconchibiariane:
ChibiAriane Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2011
It was uncontrolled. I didn't remember the abuse for almost nine years. The memories came suddenly and very brutal a few months ago. Like someone else was opening the box, not me. I had flashbacks all the time and didn't really know how to cope with it. Then I started losing time again, waking up on a Friday when the last day I remembered was Wednesday and so on. It didn't really get better, it only got worse because there are more and more things I remember. I often talk to my therapist who knows me for years now and she helps me as good as she can. I have hope that I'll be able to process everything that happened. And you'll be able to do that, too.
So starting a therapy really is important. It's the only way someone can help you. And it's very important to have good friends who understand you, at least it is for me. If you tell them they will support you. :)
I wish you all the best!
Reply
:iconchild-of-horus:
Child-of-Horus Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I hate it when I find things I can relate to. >< Even if I haven't remembered much...
I hope your therapy helps you. I really really do.
Reply
:iconchibiariane:
ChibiAriane Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011
I hope you won't remember more but I guess often you have to remember it fully to really process what happened... :(
Thank you! I hope you have a therapist, too? Good luck!
Reply
:iconchild-of-horus:
Child-of-Horus Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I kinda do, kinda left in the middle of a session. ><
I think I need a female one now.. And thanks, you too. :hug:
Reply
:iconlupus-avis:
Lupus-Avis Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I hope you don't mind me asking.
But if it's not your father, than who?
Reply
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